Mindfulness is the umbrella term used to describe both formal meditation and informal present-day practices to help with increasing our ability to tolerate distressing emotions and circumstances that is the center of many new-wave evidenced-based treatments, like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Many people have come to define mindfulness as a relaxation practice. Not true!
Mindfulness practice involves developing the willingness and ability to be with whatever emotions, thoughts, physical sensations and external experiences are present to help us come to terms with what is.
Learning to accept what is present versus attempting to deny or resist what is occurring in our lives can help us all achieve a sense of ease and prevent our own felt sense of suffering.
Animals and children are most able to remain in the moment. Why is that? There is not much, if any, rumination over past mishaps or future potential catastrophes.
Quick Tip:
Life stressors are inevitable. Managing how we cope with those stressors is what counts. The key is how we come to terms with what is versus attempting to change that which is outside of our control. Courtesy of Insight LA (An Los Angeles-Based mindfulness institute) our options can be broken down as follows:
Pain + Acceptance = Ease/Stress relief
Pain X Resistance = Suffering
Pain can be any form of pain, whether it be physical, emotional, psychological, and interpersonal.
One of life’s daily challenges is how do we engage in this journey toward achieving acceptance? Where do we start?
Just five minutes a day of mindfulness practice can help us develop acceptance on a physical and psychological level. We learn to recognize and be with the itch and not scratch. We ponder recent stressors and prevent ourselves from reacting.
Additional Benefits?
Absolutely! We develop more gray matter in our brains to further enhance our emotion regulation skills, memory, and information processing…. Slowing down the aging process! And no expensive cosmetic surgeries needed.
Where do I start?
Check out some of these websites for some free guided meditations that you can do during your work day when you need to reset your mind and refresh yourself to take on the rest of your day:
www.marc.ucla.edu – Mindfulness Awareness Research Center
https://cih.ucsd.edu/mindfulness/guided-audio-video - UCSD Center for Mindfulness
www.insightla.org– Insight LA (the link to the meditations are through sound cloud, which is blocked on VA computers, so use your smartphones to access the links instead)
This past year has been fraught with many struggles among families, including limited employment or loss of employment, home schooling for children, racial injustices, and health challenges brought on by COVID-19. Although distressing situations can bring families together, it can also lead families to drift apart, take out their tension on one another, leading to further challenges in overcoming those life stressors.
Is Emotional Abuse IPV?
Many view abuse in a black-and-white manner, as if there is an imaginary line between with what is "classified" as abuse versus just relational conflict. Some of us were raised to believe physical violence is the only forms of abuse experienced in couples, and even then, it had to be severe to the point of causing injury.
So is verbal and emotional aggression considered abuse? Some say no. But, experts in the field of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV for short) recognize that emotional abuse causes similar trauma reactions in partners, like depression, fear/panic, and self-blame, just to name a few. What are some common signs of emotional abuse?
· Name-calling
· Put-downs
· Threats of violence
· Controlling one's every move, from limiting contact with friends/family to controlling finances· Coercion to engage in undesirable acts
· Intimidating body language
What can you do if you find yourself in a relationship that demonstrates a pattern of emotional abuse? SEEK HELP
There are several avenues to take to receive support and guidance in how best to address your personal situation. Below is a list of possible options that is not exhaustive, but provides a few starting points:
Ø Let's begin talking through what you can do to remain safe and supported
Ø For immediate safe shelter options or after hours support, you may call the National Domestic Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or check out their website at thehotline.org
When sudden, dangerous, and uncontrollable events threaten us, our basic beliefs can be shattered, leaving us with ideas and habits that keep us feeling “safe.” Over time however, those coping strategies may not be as helpful as originally intended, and can keep us stuck in a toxic cycle of avoidance and distress. We call those beliefs and ideas “stuck points.”
Stuck points are statements about yourself, others, or the world at large that are exaggerated, extreme, and often negative. They tend to focus on the five themes covered in Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) treatment, which are safety, trust, power/control, esteem, and intimacy.
It is critical to note that stuck points are not behaviors, feelings, facts, questions or moral statements. Much of recovery from trauma is readjusting how we relate to the world, and seeing how stuck points skew reality in a way that is harmful in the long run.
Stuck points lead us to think in extreme terms, which give us the perception that we are in control, and able to prevent trauma from reoccurring. However, in reality, they skew our view of ourselves, other people, and the world in an unhealthy way.
We may start to believe that we can never feel safe in the world, that all people fundamentally intend to harm us, that we are powerless over getting hurt again, and thus, withdraw from people, places, and things that feel associated with threat.
Important truths that stuck points can prevent us from seeing include:
CPT involves using worksheets specifically designed to process each stuck point, and illustrate how such beliefs may:
The end result of this reexamination is changes in how a person thinks about oneself and others in relation to the five core themes affected by trauma (internal link).
For example, someone may believe “I am entirely at fault for being sexually assaulted” because of having flirted with the perpetrator prior to the assault. However, through further processing the therapist can help the client recognize how:
This insight can then open the door to recognize that flirting, in and of itself, is safe since it alone does not lead to assaults in other intimate settings. One can also be assisted in seeing how past flirtatious encounters did not end in assault, to help re-develop trust in one’s own judgment when considering other intimate encounters in the future.
Treatment in CPT starts by identifying stuck points to address through the process. A successful outcome typically results in regaining flexible beliefs in a way that contributes to more healthy coping strategies and an improved sense of well-being.
Copyright © 2024 Melody Jazeb, LCSW, BCD; Psychotherapist and Counselor - All Rights Reserved.
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